I have heard it said many times that when we suffer we look to God. But when there is no suffering, we look away from Him and live our lives only acknowledging his presence once in while. I am guilty of this myself. A devout Christian woman. But praise God that if we are truly His he will call us back to Him and remind of us of what he has brought us out of because he can send us back into the valley.
After 5 long years of suffering from an unknown illness, I am getting better. (I will share how in another blog). I went through many dark days where I could only live moment by moment. All I had was God by my side. In the deepest darkest places of my life I could cry out to God and ask Him to relieve me from my pain. At those moments He would cause my body to feel numb to its aches, sorrows, loneliness & fears and fill me with the comfort of His Spirit. I longed to be healthy and full of life. I had 6 children and I could barely fulfill my obligations and if there was anything extra to do, forget it I couldn’t.
The road was long but God is finally bringing me out of my valley. As I have begun to feel better, I have also felt myself drift away from my beautiful Savior. He is not the first nor the last thing on my mind as he had been for so many years. I realized this the other day as we were doing out homeschool. My sons verse of the week was
Matthew 22:37b-38 “ ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’c 38This is the first and greatest commandment.
As the day went on, I prayed and asked God to show me if there was any sin in my life that might hinder my prayer. He reminded me of this verse and all the things I have been doing lately and worrying. I stopped seeking His face. I stopped praying on my knees for long periods of time. I stopped praying for others. My mind was far from the Lord and all the while my heart aches and I missed Him without realizing what my problem has been lately.
I have repented and am seeking His Face again. I purposely think about Him and talk to Jesus all day. I need Him. Without Him I have nothing, without His presence in my life I am lost. I need Jesus to guide my every step. I want my life as a wife, mother & friend to display Jesus and the only way this is going to happen is if I am reading His word and seeking His face.
I’m here to tell you Friends, that we can shut Jesus out easily and get busy with things that are not necessarily bad. This world offers many distracting and enticing things but I pray that the Lord will give you wisdom and discernment to be able to forsake things that take you away from Him or prioritize according to His will.