I never knew that growing up and following hard after God would isolate me as much as it has. I’m called to be in this world but not of this world. I struggle knowing how to be in the world because I do not want to be conformed to it. My convictions keep me from many things, and while I am not sad to let things go for the glory of God, it gets lonely.
I have felt very lonely in my walk with the Lord because I was used to always having family around me. I meet friends and have a good close relationship with them only for them to be severed for my own good or because of moving. Most of my relationships are long distance and are maintained via phone calls.
I know God is always with me, but I have to be honest, it is not the same as talking to someone who will talk back to me audibly. I hear the Lord speaking to me through convictions, his Word and through the pressing of his Spirit. Because of this, being lonely is bearable.
He is my comfort in those lonely times. I have gotten through many trials only because he was at my side. I know now, I can bear anything as long as I have Jesus. Many times I have felt as if I could not hear the Lord and as if I were far from Him. In those times I had to walk by faith knowing that He wouldn’t leave me and that He heard me in my darkest hour. All of my trials have taught me and are teaching me what faith really is. Faith is believing without seeing or feeling. I often would say I feel far from God as if I cannot sense His presence. I would reflect on my life and ask for sins to be revealed to me that could possibly hinder my walk with the Lord. And if there were none, I would continue living faithfully to God. I would continue to do what I know he would want me to do even if I felt like everything wasn’t fine. In these times I would cry out to God and tell Him, “I am doing what you want. I love you. I live for you. Can you please lighten my load, I can’t keep on like this? Let me see your glory. I need you and I need to feel you near me.” Some times he would let up enough to show me he was by my side and still in control. There would be a peace that came over me.
The peace only presented itself when I cried out for it. I did not do that often and still do not do it as much as I wish I would. God has showed me how good He is when I stop fighting and submit and let him fight for me. This is a lot of my struggle, I am a fighter and think I can do things in my strength. But I am learning that I can not. I need God. I can not fix anything other than what God allows. I can not even fix being lonely.
I have 6 children and a husband and people would ask, “Why do you feel lonely, your house is full.” Having fellowship with children is different than having fellowship with adults. In my loneliness I find that God is sufficient. He heals my heart when relationships are severed and when a friend or I have to move. He comforts me and shows me that He has called me to be a leader and not a follower. This can cause some of my loneliness. I follow only ONE and that is Jesus! I am his disciple and friend. I live to please Him. If being lonely is part of it, so be it. It may possibly be only for the season of raising my children and this is worth it to me. Loneliness is real even for children of God!
In I Kings 1:19 Elijah felt loneliness. God comforted him and provided him with his needs and daily bread. Jesus does the same. He comforts us and provides for us. Even if we feel like he is far, He is not. Rest in Him.
Matthew 11:28-30New King James Version (NKJV)
28 Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Nothing is too big for God. May his remnant be found faithful in Him!
May God be glorified in all we do.